Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
