What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He kissed a someone with a penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
