You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize