we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
