i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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