he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i came on her dog
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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