I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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