I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
