Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
