I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
