he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up under a house in Key West
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