my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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