I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
