Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
