I'm so fucking centered right now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
