I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
