You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize