She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
