We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
