i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
