They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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