How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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