It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize