I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
