Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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