Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we made out on top of his cat.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
