Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
