that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
