In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
