Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
