i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
MIDGETS
????
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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