IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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