she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
