I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
