WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the liver wants what the liver wants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
