I must be too annoying 4 u.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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