Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
is it fun? or sober?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
