why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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