the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
