he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
