i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
