He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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