Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
