I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
