the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
