YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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