the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You made out with two different species that night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
