Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
