what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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