She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
