Sry I called you an 8
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize