guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize