Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
