you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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