Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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