I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
