he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
