I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
