I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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