I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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