NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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