swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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