I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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