I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
