HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
