im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
