Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
