it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
