wat bout pragnant strippers??
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
