Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
