ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
