I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
