i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
