are you still at the devil's house?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
