Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
