We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
