The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i out mim tonsoeep
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
