when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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