Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
