I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize