I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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