You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
