Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
