I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
