I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize