we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
