Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
