i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
