I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
