what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
