I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
