I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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