why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
