mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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