Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
