i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
