And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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