Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
