Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
