All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
