her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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