I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
