Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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