I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
