I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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