sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize