singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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