Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
